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My daffodil

April 26, 2010

Just a couple more pictures of my Daffodil sweater that I finished in February. For some reason I have been a bit lame on photographing, uploading, tinkering and posting projects I have been working on lately. I know why things have been really slow for me…

But there is good news as well! Andy got his visa extension approved last Thursday! It’s been over 1.5 years that we have been in limbo about weather we’d be staying here in the States or would have to move back to Europe. It’s funny how the perspective is suddenly shifting. We have been ignoring the possibility of moving but to know that we can stay for at least 3 more years is exhilarating.

Unfortunately I still can’t work and earn money. This is probably the biggest ‘mindfuck’ (pardon my language but it really is!) for me. Because, if you are not allowed to be engaged in the profession that you have chosen, then you start loosing perspective. In my case, I forget all the achievements i have done in my professional life and wonder where my career went? I have all the time in the world but time runs by and I still feel that I dont’ get things done. I know, a lot of people out there don’t have jobs and no income and are struggeling with life as such – but this is my blog and I am using and abusing it to vent about what this hiatus means for me. I am an idea person and have so many that it keeps stalling the progress. Because not being allowed to start doing something when the idea or inspiration hits then you constantly start second-guessing yourself and your idea. You make plans and get to a certain point, then another idea hits and you start over, and over and over again. I don’t have any idea how long it’ll be until I will be able to start working again, but up to now I haven’t managed to put a website together because I simply can’t choose what I want to do once I can? Should I simply go freelance and work in my old profession but without corporate ties? What should the name be? I have about 3 possible options but how can I design a logo if I can’t choose the name? I have most enjoyed making things for my family: sewing, knitting etc. I love the idea of making patterns but haven’t even attempted to draft one that is multiple size, or tried myself in writing instructions. After having abandoned the idea of continuing seek, the yoga line, I toyed with the idea of creating another line for women and girl. But now that I have all this time, I seem to have forgotten how to get about it. How the heck did I manage to do all my seek development phase after my day job? Also, we have had our domain for a long time, I finally was able to set it up but now I am at a loss of what to do with it? What will I do with this blog? Shall I continue or transfer to the other domaine? What theme should I chose? I like the idea of writing a book and have thought about topics but one week later I second guess myself. Blahhhh, you get the picture… Welcome to my world.

I have been trying to keep it simple but I still can’t get out of my spiral.

Andy says I should just relax and enjoy the time. And he is right. I should start meditating…

Hope you all are well!

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